Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Daddy's Girl

I don't think guys will understand this post so if you are a guy and you don't want to read about the mushy relationship between a girl and her mom, then I would advise you not to read on.

For you girls who have a mom that you are close to and you tell her everything, I envy you. I hear my friends talking about how they never keep anything from their mom and how they talk and laugh and do things together. I mean, it's not always sunshine and rainbows with these mothers and daughters, but with my mom and I, it's more like rain clouds and crushed dandelions.

My mom was raised in an atmosphere where hugging and kissing each other was inappropriate. Her two sisters turned out to be failures and my mom's mom was abused as a child. So, ever since the beginning, my mom has never had that special touchy/feely relationship with me. I can never remember a time when she's playfully kissed me on the cheek a bunch of times, tried tickling me to make me laugh, she's never given me a huge bear hug or even something remotely close to a tight hug, and we've never done anything just the two of us. I mean we've went shopping together, but that's only when she needs to buy me something or is grocery shopping.

I look at other mothers with their daughters and I get jealous. No matter how much my mom yells at me, no matter how much she favors my brother, no matter how much she makes me mad and keeps denying me the chance to spend some time with just her, I still love her to death and I always go to her first. It's a really twisted kind of relationship and to me it seems very one-sided on my part. Yet, I always go back. I want so desperately to tell her everything, to have her hug and kiss me naturally and have fun with me. But, after this long, after all this time in my life not doing it, I highly doubt it will ever happen.

Sometimes you can't change people. I can't change my mom and I can't tell her all the things I haven't told her. It's too late now. She's not a bad mom though. I know she does her best and she has sacrificed for me and she provides for me and I know she loves me. I just don't know it all the time...

SONG OF THE DAY: Maroon 5 - She Will Be Loved
Today's Scripture: "In peace I will both lie down and sleep, for You, Lord, alone make me dwell in safety and confident trust" (Psalm 4:8)


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