Friday, June 27, 2008

I Have a Problem

I walk into a store and my eyes get big. I get a kind of mischievous giddy feeling in the pit of my stomach. I start wildly looking through racks for my size. I start grabbing everything I think looks cute thinking "What the heck? I might as well try it on just to see how it looks on me." Before I know it, there are fifty pounds on each arm and my dressing room looks like a mini version of the store. Hello, I am a shopaholic and I have a problem with spending too much money.

I don't get it. I get paid and the money flies out of my hand like it's a bird that's been trapped in a cage. I spend money like I have a stockroom in the basement of my house and have truckloads of money coming in everyday. It is actually a serious problem and I can't stop it. No one will want to marry me. My current boyfriend knows I spend money, but I don't know if he knows the true extent of this problem.

I think it is a sort of therapy for me. I know it is a cliche for shopping to be therapeutic for women, but it really is. If I am feeling sad, a new shirt or pair of sandals will make my day. Even a new cooking utensil or box of Teddy Grahams will make my day when I'm down in the dumps. It makes me feel like I have something to look forward to. Just knowing that I have a BRAND NEW something waiting for me at home makes me excited.

But, today, when I spend around $150 at the mall, it was a weird feeling. I didn't get excited or have a mischievous giddy feeling in the pit of my stomach. It was more of a guilty, I-just-want-to-spend-money-for-the-hell-of-it feeling. And now I regret spending that much. I almost want to take everything back, but I already ripped the tags off and threw away the receipts. I think I would feel even worse if I took everything.

But the damage is done. The whole in my wallet can't be patched. What's done is done. It's in the past; finished, finale, over, gone, get it out of my mind. I've come to conclude that I'm weird and I may need some kind psychologist to help me.

SONG OF THE DAY: Keith Anderson-Picking Wildflowers
Today's Scriptures: "I am the vine, you are the branches. The one who abides in Me, while I abide in him, produces much fruit..." (John 15:5).

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